


robbin' the hood

by 11pm



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Crack, Drabble, Just needed to get this out of my system, M/M, Robin Hood References, Theft, XiuHan - Freeform, shitty draft from long ago
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:34:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23603158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/11pm/pseuds/11pm
Summary: lu Han steals from the rich and gives to the poor. one day, something gets stolen from him instead.
Relationships: Kim Minseok | Xiumin/Lu Han
Comments: 4
Kudos: 14





	robbin' the hood

"it's lu-unnie! it's lu-unnie!" a group of tiny kids come bounding over to lu han. they jump up and down at his feet, making grabby hands at the parcels he's carrying.

"it's oppa—" lu han interjects, but the kids aren't paying him any attention, as usual.

"yay! lu-unnie brought us food!" oh, well. at least they're cute.

lu han lives for this. for the thrill and excitement when he steals. for the bitter, outraged look those stingy misers, unable to do anything but yell, shoot him as he sprints away. but mostly for the blindingly bright smiles and laughter he receives in turn from the people he helps. he's risking his life but their priceless happiness is all worth it.

given, stealing is immoral and against the law, but lu han does it because he can't stand the idea of those heartless, filthy rich people having everything while they, the poor, yet innocent people, have nothing but rags. 

_they call it a crime, lu han calls it justice._

"thank you for everything you've done for us, lu han," one of the children's mothers tells him, "but you don't have to do this. you are at the prime of your age, you shouldn't waste your youth away like this."

another middle-aged lady chimes in, "that's right. why don't you mingle with kids your age? we worry about you, lu han-ah."

lu han only shakes his head, smiling. "aunties, i'm not wasting my youth at all. i love what i'm doing and i don't want to stop. i'm happy helping everyone, so you don't have to worry about anything."

"well... if you say so." she sighs. "but it's such a shame, you're a young and good-looking man, you should go and meet other people too. maybe even find a lover!"

a lover, huh? lu han hasn't even considered it. sure, he's had them before, but it was more out of curiosity than anything. now, he has more pressing matters to attend to, but maybe it was time for a change.

it's the first time that lu han's been caught in the act and not right after he commits it.

"you were trying to steal that, weren't you?" a voice says behind him. lu han turns around and sees who is possibly the most beautiful human being he has ever laid eyes on. he can't decide if he's a man or a boy, he's so adorable that it's hard to tell. but business is business, and he shouldn't let his personal feelings get in the way of his work. (and yes, lu han _does_ consider stealing to be a formal career path.)

"what? no!" lu han vehemently denies. "i'm, um... i'm a technician. someone called about a malfunctioning TV."

"right," the cutie snorts, in an annoyingly endearing way. "last time i checked, which was ten minutes ago, it was working perfectly."

"ah. well, y'know. these things get broken easily. technology nowadays, huh? turns out the quality isn't as good as they say in the commercials," lu han awkwardly scratches his neck as he spews more bullshit.

at this point the man-boy sits down on the expensive leather couch with his slim legs crossed. he has a smug expression on his pretty face that lu han cannot bring to tear his eyes away from. "the security in here is top class, if i must say. how did you even get in?" he asks, ignoring lu han's little tirade.

"they let me in the front door, of course!"

"the guards?"

"yeah!"

"the ones with blonde hair and sunglasses on?"

"uh-huh."

the man-boy laughs. "we don't have anyone like that."

"okay, fine!" lu han throws his hands up in the air. it's over, he'll just have to come clean. maybe this person will let him off the hook, might as well take his chances. lu han can always escape. he always does. "i'm a thief and i jumped up your roof from another house and broke in by a window! but please, don't kill me or anything i'm only doing this for—"

"since i'm so kind, i'll let you go."

lu han blinks. "wait, really?"

man-boy nods. "but when i see you again you're going in my dad's cadaver collection."

slipping over the open window which he broke into, lu han decides that he wants to live for much longer. "right, of course," he nervously says. "goodbye then!" with a final wave, he runs off and disappears from sight.

"hi there, thief."

one thing that lu han never knew was that rich people went to shitty fast food restaurants too, just like everyone else.

"hello— OH MY GOD IT'S YOU, NO, PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!"

"what are you talking about?" it's the man-slash-boy again. (god, lu han really should come up with a better name for him in his head.) he chuckles, and it would be cute if not for the fact that lu han is about to be murdered in cold blood.

"you said the next time you'll see me i'm going to end up as a corpse for your dad's collection!"

he chuckles again, and lu han is not yet ready to die. "that's right." the next thing he expects to happen is that several armed men in suits will appear out of nowhere to end his life, but instead the man-boy blinks innocently and adds, "that was a joke."

"wait. what?"

"i was kidding."

"about?"

"me killing you. i don't kill people." after a while, he adds, "i have my men to do that for me." oh god. lu han knew it. he pathetically sobs into his sandwich and garbles out pleas and apologies every now and then. "just kidding. again."

"you're not going to end my life because you caught me in the middle of stealing your television set before?"

"nope."

"seriously?"

"seriously. i would never kill anyone. unless he pisses me off."

feeling a bit braver than before— or maybe just reckless, lu han asks, "did i piss you off?"

"nope, not really. besides, you're interesting. and kind of cute, may i add."

oh. OH. well, this is an interesting development. lu han's quite lucky today, perhaps he should push his luck once more?

"i don't even know your name yet and you're already hitting on me?" he teases.

"i'm kim minseok." finally, he can address him more properly now. even his name is pretty, mind you. lu han has half a mind to talk to him more, but then this bulky-looking man which he assumes to be either a bodyguard or a glorified babysitter walks up to minseok carrying a huge bag of takeout, and says, "young master, it is time for us to go."

before walking out of the establishment, minseok shoots him a last glance. "well, see you around, mr. thief."

it's only then that lu han realizes he didn't even have the chance to give him his own name.

somehow, lu han has managed to sneak his way into an exclusive event attended only by wealthy individuals. a lot of them gathered in one place all at once is bound to bring him plenty of gains. he's not really expecting to meet minseok there, but it's also no surprise when he shows up next to him on the buffet table.

"so, what's your business now, mr. thief?"

lu han smiles dryly, continuing to shovel food onto his already over-stacked plate. "can't i go to a party once in a while? and besides, could you stop calling me that? i'm lu han, remember it."

"okay, lu han," minseok says. "but if you try to pull anything, i won't hesitate to call the cops on you."

scratching his head, lu han mumbles, "well, you see, the thing is—"

a woman screams loud and shrill from across the room. "my ten million pearl necklace is missing!"

the man beside her exclaims in surprise, "my— my watch! it's gone too!"

 _shit. not this again._ lu han chuckles nervously as minseok glowers at him.

"lu han..."

"oh, whoops?"

just as he says that, security alarms sound in the large ballroom, flashing red lights all around. the people go into a panic, trampling over each other in fear of an imminent threat. in the middle of the panic, minseok remains still, looking straight at lu han.

then, he grabs his hand and shouts over the loud sirens, "let's get out of here!"

for a moment, lu han's dumbfounded, but minseok's pulling him away and oh, he's really much stronger than he looks.

"why are you taking me?" lu han yells. "you do know i'm the one who stole from all those people, right?!"

minseok looks back at him, brow furrowed. "i don't know! just follow me!"

this is the last thing lu han would have expected to happen. maybe... maybe minseok is different from the others after all. and maybe he might be a thief too, because—

he captured lu han's heart without him even knowing it.

"i just think," minseok pants, catching his breath, "that you're not a bad person deep down. is that so wrong?"

lu han shakes his head. "no, it isn't."

together, they run off, the boy with the golden watch inside his pocket, and the boy with the golden heart.


End file.
